So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
