i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
