Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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