I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
