Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
