party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
