If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I want is dick and wine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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