You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
