I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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