i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
