i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
