can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
