Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
