literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
