Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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