Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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