You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
