Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
