I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
