69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
