You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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