Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
