At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
