dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
