Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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