Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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