someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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