My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
