we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
