PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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