Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
