my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize