Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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