we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
