She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
