New low: just hacked my moms facebook
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm both gender and math confused
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
