I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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