you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
