He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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