idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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