This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
