Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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