There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
