Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
