I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
