Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
