Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
