I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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