We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
