grandma shit on top of the toilet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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